Tag: online dating

Gifting: psychosexual dynamics of a new monetisation angle for dating services

For all those in the dating app industry, have this one for free.

I present an idea whose time has come.

OKCupid, Tinder, Bumble, etc. have a freemium model. They are free to use. You can pay for extra premium features.

Here’s my genius idea: gift functionality. Paying for the premium functionality, not for oneself, but to pass on to someone else in the userbase, for anyone who wants to extend a kind gesture and help a bro/sis out.

Now, what would the consequences be?

Beta schmucks trying to use gifting as a method of getting girls’ attention. It’s a terrible idea for a tactic. And it’ll totally get used. So an increased number of girls on the app will be running in premium mode.

The specific consequences of that depend on the particular features the individual apps/sites offer.

Back to the wretched betas.

And I hope it’s understood that I’m not bashing these poor fellows in the spirit of cruelty. I want to help them. Really, when I speak of them, I mean us. I’m no paragon of masculinity, nor a seduction expert. I’m still on the road to wizardry. I want us to help each other. What I’m doing is trying to raise awareness…

Anyway. The wimpy, naive betas.

Blackhearted, manipulative witches will exploit their soft, weak hearts and tempt them into gift-giving, with false promises of reciprocal affection.

In this age of megacuckoldry, they could effectively spin their enticements as an invitation to join them in a polyamorous situation. This way, there’s no need to hide the fact that the point of them receiving the gift is to make it easier to meet other dudes.

The strategic choice will be to offer a long distance  fake polyamorous relationship. Maximise safety by keeping a maximal distance between the witch and the exploited.

So. That’ll happen. Some of the victims will wise up, after a while. Some will need an intervention, some convincing, some confrontation. Some will keep pissing away their cash. Oh well.

Can I really begrudge these (still hypothetical) witches? They’re enterprising! And their interactions with their victims might wake some of them up, help them learn a useful lesson about how the world works, and dislodge some stupid ideas they have about the supposedly morally superior sex.

Premium date app plans will be another gift that pornstars and webcam performers receive from their fans. At least that’s a more honest sort of transaction. A gift from a fan in exchange for a little attention, no false promises of a ‘real’ relationship. You could be the one who helps your favourite camslut to get some really good dick, and she might tell you about it!

But this isn’t the sort of stuff that these dating app companies really want to be associated with…

Do these downsides outweigh the potential increased revenue? Does anyone actually do this already? Like, sites aimed at the promiscuous, fetishists, and so on? Haven’t looked into it yet.

Go on, app-makers, you know it makes sense. Give us an option to send the gift anonymously, too.

I’ll probably fucking use it myself. Fuck.



Tinder and male sexual entitlement

Men on Tinder think they have a “licence to use women as they see fit” if their date’s appearance is less attractive than her profile photograph, research says.

Dr Jenny van Hooff, senior lecturer in sociology at Manchester Metropolitan University, carried out a study of the use of Tinder among men in Manchester and Cheshire.

From PsyPost, Some Men on Tinder think they have a ‘license to use unattractive women as they see fit’

This article discusses sociological research involving interviews with men who use Tinder. These interviews reveal, according to the received interpretation, attitudes of sexual entitlement when meetings with women who have, in their judgement, tricked them with a deceptively attractive profile.

I found this article via my YouTube subscriptions: Deceived Males Shamed (video) by Bernard Chapin.

A 29-year-old man told her: “I’ve been very misled by very selective pictures, angles when the person isn’t as attractive or as slim or sporty as they make out on pictures. I try to swerve if possible, or get something out of it.”

The writeup doesn’t explicitly advocate a particular ethical or political position. Maybe the researcher does, in her own writing or presentation. I don’t know. But from the article, I get the sense that the respondents’ quoted statements are viewed as problematic. There is no outright suggestion, in the article, that these men are dangerous, abusers, or criminals. But there’s this insinuation…

The field of sociology has a lot of feminist influence. And feminism has a big problem with the notion of male sexual ‘entitlement’. It’s seen as strongly connected with selfish disregard for the interests of women, particularly around the need for sexual consent. So this is understood as a precursor for rape, and condemned as dangerous.

Here’s a different perspective, admittedly an amateur one. My view as a masculinist and sex realist.

We’re looking at confidence, self-esteem, even cockiness. And these attributes are perfectly compatible with a healthy concern for consent (i.e. that it’s an absolute necessity for sex). And they are conventionally understood as making a guy more attractive.

So no wonder some of these Tinder dudes, meeting up with women who aren’t as attractive as advertised, are getting laid. The guys are less intimidated by them. They’re emboldened to act with more courage and forthrightness, and the women like that, evidently, cause they’re having sex.

Sexual ‘entitlement’ is an ideologically loaded notion which too easily equivocates harmful attitudes and potentially positive male characteristics.

None of the above should be taken as an endorsement of casual sex. On that topic, I’ll just reference Doc Love now.

More thoughts on flirting

I forgot to cover some points in my first post on flirting.

The trickiness of flirting, in safely navigating its vague boundaries, causes some confused, frustrated people to throw their hands up in dismay, and renounce the whole practice.

To call it a ‘basic instinct’, as the otherwise fantastic SIRC guide does, makes it seem more of an opaque mystery to to those of us who are inept. As if it confers some powers of perception or persuasion that are inexplicable, unanalysable, unlearnable, and you’re either born with it or not.

I have a feeling that if they understood the utility and wisdom of its necessary intricacies, and got a steer on the basics, they would be receptive to it. They’d see that it’s possible to study it, practice and improve one’s skill. That’s precisely what the SIRC guide does. It’s really great, again, I exhort everyone to read it.

Although it talks about the ‘unwritten laws of etiquette’ in the area, it doesn’t fundamentally explain why these intricacies are necessary. Why not just straight up ask people for sex? Much has been written on this elsewhere, but I don’t have any particular links to recommend. The basic reason seems to be that flirting, as practised with its indirectness and incremental approach, lessens the need for explicit rejection. So embarrassment is reduced.

Now, with the wonders of technology, it’s possible to make explicit advances in a mediated fashion, so only mutually interested partners will be made aware of the expression of interest from the other person. I’ve briefly discussed services like this, but we need to go deeper.