The challenge of the sex drive

Hunger, thirst, coldness, and tiredness: sensations that drive a lifeform to act, to secure something it needs for survival–food, water, heat, rest. We share them with lower animals. We experience them as sensations, and while we are not free of the requirements they point to, we have some ability to resist their force on us.

How about the sex drive? It can be placed in that category too. It’s another basic, lizard-brain life-sustaining process. Some call it a ‘need’. But it’s a strange one. Its goal, getting a lifeform to mate with another of its species, isn’t necessary for individual survival. But it is for group survival.

The human ability to resist the sex drive allows monogamy to exist. So an argument could be made that it upholds civilisation as we know it.

I want to examine another peculiar attribute of sex for humans, particularly in rich societies. That is: its scarcity.

It’s very easy to buy food and water. Getting sleep isn’t expensive. Modern industrial society makes satisfying most of our basic needs easy. So why is it so hard to find someone to have sex with? People like sex. Why is sexual frustration to rampant? Why do incels exist? Why aren’t they having sex with each other?

Here’s one attempt to explore the question:

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/no-sex-celibate-why-uk-one-in-five-adults-men-women-a7862581.html

It cites medical problems, chosen avoidance of sex (particularly by women), erectile dysfunction (which can be porn-induced), and a poor sexual self-image among older people.

I think all these problems could be overcome, and it would still be a generally difficult task for human beings to find sexual satisfaction. And I wouldn’t have it any other way! It should be hard.

Orgy section 122 pretty much covers everything. This blog post is essentially redundant but fuck it, let’s keep going. Cause I like writing. And you like reading!

First, understand that human sexuality is discriminatory. We have standards. We don’t want to have sex with ugly people–ugly looks, ugly characters, ugliness in any respect is something we’re tuned to detect. (Obviously there’s individual variability here, different tastes, which may raise a challenge to the objectivity of beauty, which I’m assuming. I won’t defend that here.)

Any prospective sexual or romantic partner we might set our sights on has her standards, too. If our standards are high, then so will be hers. Can we meet them? That’s the challenge. That’s why healthy pursuit of love is concurrent with self-improvement.

Are incels not really mostly volcel? Voluntary celibate, rather than involuntary. They have standards, which is why they don’t just fuck each other. Standards aren’t volitional. They’re given… but they’re not fixed. There is some flexibility, some possibility for re-shaping here, deliberately or unconsciously.

Porn is the big reason why nobody’s actually fucking. That’s my suspicion. If porn shows you a fantasy that’s so much more appealing than anything you think you could achieve in your real sex life, then why bother? That’s why dating coaches are wise to advice their students to abstain from it. See Roosh, who says porn is creating a desperate sexual thirst in men, and developing distorted sexual standards (attraction to sluts). I say it’s worse than that! But maybe it’s also better!

But it’s not just ‘traditional’ porn that’s the culprit. Romantic depictions in art, and unrealistically perfect images of the human form in advertising raise our standards so as to make us harder to please. We’re ever more insatiable.

Does this lead to frustration? Absolutely. Does it therefore lead to pathetic, desperate male sex-seeking behavior? Maybe, sometimes. It also leads to incels. And maybe this has good social effects too.

Like, less reproduction of ugliness. Great.

Let’s look at other human variables that are being selected against.

Lower self-control – because those who overcome the addiction, who avoid porn, avoid its negative effects. Their sexual standards will be more realistic (lower) and thus easier to satisfy. Strong self-control is generally good, so this effect would be eugenic, right?

Lower sex drives – The simulacrum of sex won’t be enough to satisfy those with a high enough sex drive. But low sex drive people could be very productive in other ways, couldn’t they? So this would seem to be a dysgenic effect. But if sex drive intensity reflects general energy levels, then cool. We’re breeding a higher-energy species.

Higher standards – certainly dysgenic. Higher tolerance for ugliness, propagating more of it.

Neuroticism, lower self-esteem, hyper self-criticality – on the face of it, eugenic. But these attributes can concur with high intelligence, and an excessively conscientious tendency is surely conducive to civilization.

Is this trend good or bad overall? Who can tell?

In the long run, it won’t matter. The reprogenetic revolution will put all this messy sex stuff behind us for good.

Let’s put art and porn aside. The tendency of sexual standards to constantly raise won’t stop. We’re trying to attract each other, and at the same time trying not to be attracted to ugliness. This is the normal, healthy way of things. Beauty is an outward indication of health, so natural beauty is what’s most desirable. But we’re inventive creatures! Makeup accentuates natural beauty. Makeup can also mask physical ugliness, which is why a man’s gotta be wary. And cosmetic surgery, damn. We’re screwed, aren’t we?

Women have gotta be wary of men projecting fake strength, fake kindness, fake wealth, etc.

It’s an arms-race of posturing and fake-detection.

There’s also genuine self-improvement in the game too, thank God. Because you can’t fake fitness. You can’t fake certain achievements.

Look for the unfakeables, I guess? And develop in oneself demonstrable unfakeable qualities? Is that the way to go for post-game Game? Isn’t that what the best people have been doing all along anyway?

Lowering one’s standards is generally bad. But probably inevitable, at some point, for most. Start by aiming high, then see experience and rejection and frustration leads one to both put more effort in, and set a more realistic goal. Is that how God intended it? Seems about right, seems a good theory to work with.


I went on a date this week. A poor performance from myself, again, failing to adhere to the guidance from the Teacher. Part of it was over-eagerness. Another part is, I reckon, I didn’t want it bad enough. A deficiency of energy, of hunger.

I have no one by myself to blame. No regrets either. It’s good to have experience of disappointment, I gotta know what it feels like, to learn from it and move forward…

My life needs more productivity, more variety, more discipline, less safety, and less porn.

 

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