My previous post was a bit all over the place. This one will be more focused. Sticking to a single topic.
Anyway. I’m still a virgin and casual sex is not really an option.
There’s a sense in which casual sex is logically impossible! For human beings, sex is too much of a profound thing, invested with too much moral, cultural, and biological significance, to be done casually. People can choose to ignore the seriousness of it, but it’s still there.
That does nothing, however, to change the fact that ‘casual sex’ names real activities in which some human beings participate.
How about that microchimerism thing, where women retain male DNA from their male partners? In their brains?!
But whatever the underlying biological mechanisms, sex is a powerful bonding activity. And there seems to be a diminishing ability to bond with successive partners. Maybe this is a functional adaptation to modern conditions…
This dude still believes in the sex microchimerism. Even if that’s a modern myth, still:
Sexual intercourse is permanent. There is no such thing as a casual sexual encounter.
Why? There’s a trivial sense: everything you do leaves some memory, some psychological impression on you. Everything that happens becomes a permanent part of history of the universe.
What’s special about sex?
Now, I’m not anti-contraception. But the civilised world used to be. Some modern religious folks still are, and I say it’s worth looking at why. The transition period for this shift in moral thinking is interesting. Check out David Stove in his essay, The Diabolical Place.
Contraception is a recent/ongoing moral and technological revolution. It’s yet another mismatch between our present environment and the one in which we evolved.
What’s my point? Tread carefully!
In terms of a practical approach, Doc Love’s advice still seems the best. Practical reasons to avoid casual sex are obvious: infections.
What else? Avoiding close attachment (for either of you) too early. Make sure they’re sane and of good character first. That takes time.
It’s not sour grapes for me! Casual sex is obviously great fun for those who can do it, for those who are attractive in several necessary dimensions. For some, it probably seems to come naturally. Others put hard work into ‘game’, ‘looksmaxing’, training themselves in PUA methods. I’d much rather play videogames and read science fiction stories about universes with alternative spacetime geometry.
And I occasionally go on dates with girls like a normal person in the 21st century, using dating apps. I have a first date this week. I’m not going to sleep with her this week, or the next. There’s nothing unmasculine about this.
If you disagree, fight me in the comments 🙂