Month: December 2016

Why the anonymity?

I have several blogs, for the different subjects I like to write about. Most of them, I put my name on. But this one’s anonymous.

Here, I talk about sex. I engage in politically incorrect armchair theorising. I strive to think independently, and the philosophical basis of my analysis includes some rather unpopular notions. Like, the idea that masculinity is good.

So, part of the reason for anonymity is to limit conflict with ideological opponents–to limit it to online engagement, with no real-life spillover. For the time being.

Also, my writing here includes some relevant autobiographical details. I’m perhaps too revealing of negative facts about myself. But they’re relevant to what I’m trying to do here. If I’m talking so much about sex, it’s a pertinent fact that I’ve never had it. And that I had my 4th date ever this week, a 4th first date. It went okay.

I intend to write more about porn. I’ve tweeted about it a little bit. My position is that porn’s probably, mostly a bad thing for men, and society. I say this having used porn for years. And while holding this position, I’ve stopped using porn. And started again. Repeat several times. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

There’s a bit of embarassment about publicly revealing this info. Why is that? Well, it shows weakness. Poor character. I want to associate with people of good character, so I don’t want to scare them away. Potential friends, girlfriends, colleagues, business associates, etc.

(There’s a therapeutic aspect to some of my writing. I’m serious about character development.)

I don’t want to be misunderstood. I realise that’s inevitable, to some degree. But I first just want to write down enough of my thoughts to responsibly guard against the worst and most obvious possible misinterpretations of my positions.

For those who’d consider me an enemy, I’ve given them a ton of ammo to use against me. But that can’t be helped. I just have to have faith that truth is a sufficiently powerful defence.

So, why not stay anonymous forever? This goes back to my other blogs, as mentioned above. The ideas I explore there, and here, are related. Everything in the universe is. Understanding things in the deepest possible way means grasping the interconnections. I need to communicate them too. So, sooner or later I’ll link my blogs together.

Talking about sex

You can’t do it in public. Sex, that goes without saying. I mean, having a discussion about sex publicly is indecent. That’s something to talk about in private. (Some want to end that taboo, but whatever.)

That raises difficulties. Possible mismatch of expectations – does the other person really just want to talk about it, or actually do it? Possible unfortunate outcomes:

disappointment – I wanted it, turns out she didn’t.

insult – I went for it, was rebuffed. She was offended at my presumption…

If only that could be cleared up beforehand. How about, a discussion about discussing sex? Can that happen in public, that meta-level conversation?

Sex could happen with or without much talking.

The notion of expecting affirmative consent, continuously throughout sex, ‘every step of the way’ has been promoted, and ridiculed. Why resist it, if you’re not a rapist?

  • Well, why let busybodies tell us how to fuck?
  • Wordiness considered unsexy. See Kissing post.

Sex could be mindless. Or more mindful. I dunno which way is better. But if you add more talking, then you add more thinking. Increasing the possibility of unsexy thoughts coming up. Reluctance. Changing minds. Talking too much can put someone off.

But talking can precisely set up expectations, so the action could proceed in a wordless manner, if that’s preferred. Discuss ruleset X, consent to ruleset X, then you’re good to go. cf BDSM.

Ruleset X might be ‘we are married, we own each other now’.

Is this not more rational than just… go at it, hope it’s good, improvise silently?

Well, folks rationally fear that the attempt to establish exact preferable sexual behaviour in conversation will fail. And the whole thing will get called off.

But it’s not an either-or thing. On the far end of the scale is striving to linguistically program your perfect loveslave. On the other far end is engaging wordlessly. In the middle are attempts to negotiate mid-stream, or establishing ‘a few rules’ beforehand.

Ok, I’m done. Too many theory posts here. Next needs to be autobiographical again.

 

I went on a date

I wrote this post in December 3, 2016. I set it to private. I’m setting it to public now: 8th June, 2017.

And it wasn’t completely terrible.

Okay, 3rd date. OKCupid is alright.

The feeling of smallness in the presence of a superior being. Fluctuating between that and an attitude of expansive egoism, downlooking (she believes in democracy–)

She could talk. This is a skill I can admire. So, the silences, I felt as by fault, due to my deficiencies:

  • I think slowly.
  • I haven’t had comparably interesting experiences. I have lived boringly…

I can fix the second. As for the first, I can at least mitigate it…

She said let’s do it again! Now, is this a genuine feeling, or a reflexive way of saying goodbye?

If her interest in my projects was genuine, I want to share more information about them, as they develop, with her. So yeah, I want to see her again. I want to be in her presence.

I noticed her tits once. But then I was swept up again in conversation. Even if it was largely one-sided.

She suggested another drink. Is that a good sign? She wanted to stay longer. But maybe she just wanted to be free from indebtedness to me.

One reply on WhatsApp after the date. I sent the last.

I will wait the 5-9 days. Back on to Doc Love’s advice? Yeah.

I broke System rules by discussing politics. She brought it up first. No excuse, mind.

I can’t recall making her laugh.

So… make a pre-canned set of stories, jokes, possible topics? This seems reasonable. Ish. Why not? Is it dishonest? There is kind of an assumption that spoken speech is… thought up on the spot. Original, originating in thought which has only just occurred, in the presence of the listener. But people re-tell stories all the time. Oral tradition: people re-tell the stories of others. This is natural and normal…

As long as it’s true.

What about her? She’s younger than me and seems to be more of a grown-up. More social, no surprise… more career-actualized. Neutral judgement here.